No Sex Please, We’re British..

“Wrecker” Jon has very kindly offered to write a guest blog – to cover the travel day from Gothenburg to Amsterdam, a day on which there is little to report.

The handwritten note, featured below, was left for me as we shared a cabin from Finland to Sweden the other night. It will be a nice surprise for him to re-read it, I think. Anyway, here’s his blog:

Barn and I met in 2001, working for “Stagetruck”. That summer we went on not one, but two jollies to Russia. Both trips, as you might expect, were full of drama – and incidents aplenty. We got on famously, swapped phone numbers, and kept in touch. I invited him to my home in Coventry in December of that year, and arrangements were made.

New Girlfriend

However, Barn was not to be visiting me on his own. Seven weeks earlier, in Greece, he had met Sue, a delightful girl. This presented me with a slight problem; I have no spare beds and was planning on offering him full use of the sofa.

Not a problem, I thought. My good friend Ian only lived down the road, and sure enough he sprang to the rescue. They could stay in his spare room.

Ian had only one stipulation: no sex. His spare bed was old and rickety, and prone to collapse. So Ian asked if I could have a quiet word. Could Barn please refrain from consummating the new relationship?


Barn had only that day jetted in from Miami, having spent time riding round on Harley-Davidsons, so was jet-lagged. We briefly caught up over a couple of drinks, then had an early night. Ian and I made our makeshift camp beds in the downstairs lounge; Barn and Sue retired upstairs for some well-earned rest.

Well, it didn’t take long for the inevitable. We heard an almighty crash as, yes, the rickety bed was now a broken bed. Ian and I chuckled ourselves to sleep – at least the bed had had a happy ending. The next night I decided it would be best if they stayed at my house, on a blow-up bed. For the record, my floorboards survived the night…