Off With Her Head!…

‘More roasted songbirds,’ an Elizabethan dignitary might once have bellowed. Mauve of cheek, with honey-glazed venison protruding from his pendulous jowls, he cuts quite the powerful figurehead. But this is only the hem of the garment, so to speak. Eels seethed in wine are brought to the table by a curtsying maid, her skin the … Read more

One Up The Bum – Considerable Harm Done..

I’ve been thinking about punishment this week. No, not devising a ladder rack large enough to dislocate Namibians; more like dwelling on that San Marino Torture Museum. It was a grizzly experience, and I’m chagrined by the depths of human cruelty. Don’t get me wrong. Leaning marginally to the right, I wouldn’t lose any sleep … Read more

San Marino’s Spanish Ticklers..

San Marino – a tax haven. Some come here to shop duty-free, others to coo at this charming medieval jewel rising atop Mount Titano. The state is the oldest republic in the world. Well, you can Google its history, dimensions and relative recent UNESCO status in 2008. But let me tell you that this city-state … Read more

A Swiss Party (Part Two)…

A week-long binge in England would have consequences. Fried to the tonsils, youths would without doubt overdo things; policemen would be biffed left, right and centre; ASBOs would be liberally dished out like toilet paper. Biffing policemen, I might add, should be done sparingly, if at all – viz. in emergencies, such as interfering with … Read more

A Swiss Party (Part One)..

Were you to have a bigoted view of the Swiss, what would you think of? A timid throat-clearing at the Wednesday matinee? A pusillanimous boffin meticulously recording his watchmaker sales in triplicate? An apple-cheeked teetotaller still harrumphing that the 06.12 train to Lausanne ran four seconds behind schedule in 1993? Well, I’ll give you half … Read more

Where’s the Road Gone?..

I say, this weather’s getting a bit serious. A good rule of thumb, I’ve always thought, is if you can’t physically get to  – or indeed see – your vehicle, it might as well stay where it is. Sound sensible? Yes, well let’s hope the beer truck can get through; surely this qualifies, even in … Read more