I’d almost miss Australians…

‘Kiwis?’ asked my Australian colleague. ‘Yeah, you just tap them on the head and their knickers fall off.’ Doubt dandered along the embankment of my thoughts, like a nagging suspicion that you’ve left the front door unlocked. Nope, no matter how tightly I squeezed shut my eyes, my evening with a coquettish New Zealander remained … Read more

50 Shades of Nonsense..

I’m spoiled, really. How many men can boast of owning a helicopter? Holy Cow, very Fifty Shades. It comes with its problems, naturally – e.g. time to fly it – but these are by no means insuperable. But in order to fly such a precision machine, one must don goggles, pervert gloves – Holy Fuck, … Read more

Finnish That Drink…

‘That’s why they get this boat,’ said the ship’s barman. ‘So they can behave like arseholes.’ The Viking Line XPRS nudged out of Helsinki – a market town founded in 1550, currently celebrating its 200th year as capital – bound for Tallinn, Estonia. Outside the windows lay rocky, low-lying islets; inside lay karaoke. ‘I don’t … Read more

Ready, Steady, Splash…

Surely he won’t do it. Surely, as a man of 23, he’ll see sense. Surely, realising that bicycles and salt water are uneasy bedfellows, Anton The Fearless will abort. Surely… Oops, too late. He’s picking up speed, pedalling like billy-o along the jetty. Cogito ergo sum – I think, therefore I am. But does he … Read more