I wake to a blanket of overnight snow. All would be serene if it wasn’t for the idling truck engines, neon, garages, and the rumble of the A3. Namibian, ever predictable, is smoking a cigarette and staring into space. And will have been for the last hour. The dissolution of  the Deutschmark was bad enough.

Namibian became flustered last night. Unclear trucking instructions, delivered second-hand, plunged him into a fit of frantic gesticulating and wheezing. He stormed past me, sullen and jowly, like a bulldog that’s just licked urine from a nettle. Two hours later, with loaded trucks, the radio crackles. ‘Hang on, Barny,’ he says, ‘I’m having a heart

The right to be heard, or in this case read, does not include the right to be taken seriously. It has occurred to me, though, that, now I’m writing so prodigiously, my trucker pals might disown me, regarding me as the lone ranger. I must compensate with virile displays of testosterone. A thuggish nameplate for

If you were to hide a camera in a building overnight, where would be the last place you’d choose? Astute trucker, Joe, chose the oven, then got drunk and slept in. You can see what’s coming… By the time he emerges today, lunch is prepared, and those reckless caterers haven’t checked the cooking area for

Needless to say, our Go-Boxes have a problem. So, we pull in to the nearest garage before being frogmarched down to a police station. Wow, what a splendid selection of top-shelf reading material adorning the magazine rack, I muse. And when I say “top-shelf”, I actually mean bottom shelf, thrust upon the innocent customer popping

Breaking news: Disaster! Namibian, increasingly the protagonist in this blog, has burnt out the socket that powers our kettle. We’re keeping our spirits up while trying to keep it from Tina; she’d only worry if she knew the tour was potentially jeopardised by such a pressing matter. Fortunately, as an old campaigner, and in the

Tina was building up the blues last night… ‘He was blinded by the blackness of my long silk stockings…’ Phwoar! Dancers pout suggestively, undressing me with their eyes. Of course, they can’t actually see a thing, dazzled by bright spotlights, but it seems like they are seducing me, and me alone. Great video feed follows

Nineteen truckers wonder why we are awake at two o’clock in the morning. Remember Tina Turner has twenty trucks on this European tour? Right, well all tours have a driver that oversees truck movements – known as a “lead driver”. His job is to liaise with the production team and supervise truck unloading in the

There are those that do the bare minimum, becoming bored easily; and there are others who live life to the full, looking on any situation as an opportunity. Namibian, therefore, dozes off to a DVD whilst I make a Grand Tour of Sulfeld. This sleepy hamlet is not a village, our host Frank assures me,